Sex-positivity FAIL.

The other night, Epiphora was tweeting some pretty crazy stuff from some crazy-ass website. I decided to have a gander at this website. Holy shit.

HealthyStrokes.com. It is a website that is trying to be sex positive. But failing so, so hard. There’s just so much warped advice being given. I am all for educating young people about masturbation instead of making it a taboo thing. I’m such a hardcore pro-masturbation advocate. I fucking <3 masturbation. But this website is fucking ridiculous. It makes me sad because it’s well intentioned but so poorly thought out, researched and executed. While it’s telling young people that masturbation is normal and healthy it’s also putting forth ridiculous statistics as truth, makes sweeping generalizations and seriously, at least once referred to dildos as ‘penis shaped objects’. FOR REAL? I have exactly one very vaguely realistic toy; it has a gently molded head. Other than that, the rest of my toys look nothing like a penis.  And on another occasion, when a girl asked if her father forcing her to sleep in his bed with him (even after she had expressed vocal desire to sleep on the couch because she was uncomfortable), even while the father’s girlfriend was present and THEY WOULD HAVE SEX ON THE BED WHILE THE DAUGHTER COULD HEAR AND FEEL THEM HAVING SEX NEXT TO HER, if it was abuse and was told no. WTF? But my biggest gripe with this site is its rampant, inexplicable hatred of all anal exploration:

I’ve read that stimulating the prostate will make me ejaculate a lot. How do I stimulate my prostate? (age 15)

I advise against this experiment. The prostate is stimulated through the rectum. Unless you know what you’re doing, you’re apt to hurt yourself, and unless you’re planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life, you’re setting yourself up for a form of arousal that can’t be duplicated in ordinary sexual activity.

If I stimulate my prostate through my anus will this result in an orgasm? (age 14)

It’s possible. Distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain are more likely results.

Oh. My. GOD. Like…seriously? So much epic fail! Let’s tackle this bit by bit, shall we:

First of all, you tell this young person that ‘unless they know what they’re doing’ they’re going to hurt themselves. Uh, how the fuck are they supposed to learn how to do it right if 1. you discourage experimentation and 2. YOU DON’T FUCKING GIVE THEM ANY REAL ADVICE OTHER THAN TELLING THEM NOT TO DO IT?!

Unless you’re planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life… Sooooo, there’s no such thing as a strap-on? Men never get fucked by women wearing harnesses? Women never fuck other women with strap-ons? Dildos can’t go up asses? THERE AREN’T TOYS SPECIFICALLY FOR PROSTATE AND ANAL PLEASURE?! Nope. Only gay men have THE BUTT SECKS.

What is up with this irrational hatred of anal exploration? Distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain are more likely results. Seriously, what kind of fucking bullshit is that. Uh, lubes? Proper toys (see above rant)? How about instead of shutting these kids down when they come for advice you do a little fucking research on anal sex/masturbation instead of throwing out stereotypes about it. Ya fucking douche.

My disappointment in this website knows no bounds. It is a very vast website and I couldn’t even begin to delve into its depths without going completely insane at the infuriating information therein. At times it seems to be giving sound advice (simply being a website that tells young people that masturbation is healthy and even good for you is a great thing) but then counters all of it with contradictory information (as in, giving the advice to one fifteen year old who has threesomes that she should use protection and telling another fifteen year old how to go about buying a vibrator but telling yet another fifteen year old that she ‘should wait a few years’ before using a dildo. What the fuck? I think this person is confused and thinks there’s some massive difference between a vibrator and a dildo), ineffectual information (there’s no mention of body-safe materials anywhere on the site) and flat-out sex-negative or overly traditional biases (like with the anti-anal bullshit or having weirdly puritanical views on group masturbation and an infuriating focus on ‘developing a healthy sexuality so you can have successful sex with a partner’). It saddens me to think that these young people, who are taking the initiative to try and learn are getting such unsatisfactory, unhelpful or even totally untrue answers.

Listen. If you are under 18 and have questions about sex, masturbation, toys, etc. please visit Scarleteen.com. I wish I had had a website like this at my disposal when I was younger. They have answers for all your questions and even answers to questions you might not even have. Don’t be afraid of your body, your sexuality, your anus or anything like that. There are answers out there, hard as they may be to find; Scarleteen can help you find them.

For more on this fucked up website, please read Carnivalesq’s and Epiphora’s epic post on it: MASTURBATION MANSPLATION!

And Epiphora’s epic post: Thanks for the mansplation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator.

10 Comments

Filed under Body, Health, Sexuality

10 responses to “Sex-positivity FAIL.

  1. …wow. Just… wow. Great post.

  2. aag

    Wow, I’m horrified. That’s terrible.

    **Please check your spelling of Scarleteen. One “t” only. Feel free to edit or delete my comment, please.**

  3. Wow. Sites like that REALLY make me glad that I found Scarleteen when I was younger.

  4. Wow. That’s just… wow. So much fail. After reading this, I had to go look at the website a little bit. I just couldn’t believe it could get much worse but… lol. Aye.

    The anal sex thing really kills me. “unless you’re planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life, you’re setting yourself up for a form of arousal that can’t be duplicated in ordinary sexual activity.” <–That. I just. *headache* It's sad that there are people out there putting messages out there like that for young kids and people in general to absorb. Ridiculous.

    Great post.

  5. Hear, hear! Thank you for bringing this to light. I sneered at their advice and cheered at your analysis. Heh heh, I just said ANALysis.

  6. Trish

    Dear god, there’s a LOT of contradictory, incorrect, misleading, and even dangerously wrong information on that site. I’m also really curious about who this person is, who’s giving out this information. The website states, waaaaaay down at the bottom:

    “I am a scholar at a major research university (in a field unrelated to sexuality), and there is a question whether this web site would fall under the jurisdiction of their policies on use of human subjects in research and other matters if I identified myself with my affiliation to the university on the site.”

    So this person (who, from his responses to the questions his readers send in, seems to be a guy) has no training in sexuality, no real education in sexuality or (I’m assuming) adolescent or any other kind of psychology…and yet s/he feels qualified to hand out information about sexuality to adolescents who are in dire need of correct, useful, and helpful advice? I’m not saying one has to be a psychiatrist to be able to give out sexual advice, but when you’re dealing with adolescent sexuality, which involves adolescent development in many areas besides just physical sexuality, you REALLY need to know what the hell you’re talking about.

    Talk about irresponsible…geez.

  7. So terrible. The anal stuff was what struck me first, as well. I love your graphic. DOES NOT EXIST. We have to start laughing at this shit, otherwise we will get too angry…

  8. pandadementia

    This website, and this guy specifically, are ridiculous and I feel badly for any person who actually takes his advice seriously. They are missing out on fantastic (but according to Doug, not advisable) orgasms and experiences.
    Great post!

  9. Pingback: This guy is about as qualified to give sex advice as the Pope « Hello Saraid

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