Strange things happen at 2:00 AM when your boyfriend has called and woken you up from a peaceful slumber and he’s all happy and bouncy and wants to talk and shit. And then he does something bizarre, like imply that The Star Wars Holiday Special is better than Showgirls (he claims that I’m misinterpreting him). And then I have to come up with a list of the reasons why Showgirls is, was, and always will be better than that piece of shit holiday fucking douchebag of a movie:
1) There’s no fucking Wookiees in it.
2) Showgirls has tits in it.
3) Kyle MacLachlan’s in it, which makes it a bazillion times better than the Star Wars Holiday Special.
4) Everyone speaks English—and if they didn’t, it would be subtitled.
5) It doesn’t take place in space.
6) Uhm, Gina Gershon! Hello!
7) It’s practically a trashy remake of All About Eve, and what’s not to like about that?
8) That guy who owns the fucking strip club, and the fat chick. Them right there. They make the fucking movie.
9) The pool scene. Please. Come on, seriously. How can you not love that?
10) Because it uses the phrase “It’s showtime!” like 3 or 4 times, in the same fucking movie.
There we go, ten good reasons why Showgirls is way fucking better than The Star Wars Holiday Special. There are more reasons, I know. But this is what I came up with on the spot. Fuck Wookiees.