Things That Confuse and Anger Me About the Harry Potter Series: Chamber of Secrets

By Ashley

I hope everyone enjoyed my nitpicking and caterwauling about the first book and that you’re good and ready for the second entry in my series:

Things That Confuse and Anger Me About the Harry Potter Series: Chamber of Secrets

1. Why did Ron and Harry take the Ford Anglia when they couldn’t get onto Platform 9 ¾? This is a complete lack of foresight and logical thinking on their part. I know they’re twelve and that the whole “taking the car and crashing into the Whomping Willow and getting into trouble for it” thing sets a lot of things in motion but it’s still really ridiculous. If they had just waited 10 more seconds, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley would have come off the platform and, as responsible adults, figured out a better way to get them to school. Do they think that if you miss the train you’re just not allowed to get to Hogwarts any other way?

 2. Let’s play “What’s Going to Try to Knock Harry Off His Broom During the First Quidditch Match of the Season”! Rogue bludger, trying to pound the shit outta him. Hmm. This seems awfully familiar…heyyy, didn’t something similar happen in the previous book during the first match of the season? Quirrell cursing his broomstick, if I recall. And now, something else is trying to knock him off his broom. Can’t this kid just have a normal first match of the season?

3. In this book, we learn that Filch, the caretaker, is a Squib (someone born into a magical family who has no magical abilities). Filch spends a great deal of time complaining about all the messes the students make and how long it takes him to clean them. And then it hit me. Why the hell would they employ someone who cannot perform magic to clean an entire castle full of students, staff and ghosts? Throughout the series we see countless characters clean huge messes with a simple wave of a hand or wand. And yet the person who is employed to clean the entire school cannot perform such magic. What kind of sick, cruel joke is that, J.K. Rowling? I don’t blame Filch for being in such a shitty mood all the time.

4. Why in God’s name is an award that was given to Lord fucking Voldemort still hanging up in the trophy room at Hogwarts? Isn’t that a bit…fucked up? That’d be like going to a school in Germany and seeing a plaque there that said “Awarded to Adolf Hitler for Services Rendered.” I feel like for most people (who aren’t really young like Ron and Harry) it must be common knowledge that in his younger days Voldemort was Tom Riddle. Come to think of it, I feel like that’s the exact kind of knowledge that would be written down in wizard history books. Hermione devours wizard history books like it’s her job; why has she never come across this tidbit of information? I find it hard to believe that 1. No one at this time had ever made the connection between Tom Riddle and Voldemort (Dumbledore says that “hardly anyone” made the connection but…come on, SOMEONE ELSE MUST HAVE) and 2. That it would never have been recorded in a history book.

5. Furthermore, shouldn’t someone (i.e. Dumbledore) have revoked that goddamn award? Seeing as it’s the kid who grew up to be Voldemort and he fucking framed Hagrid and got him expelled? I mean, I know Dumbledore probably found out about this stuff way after the fact but still. It’s the principle of the matter.

6. Last year, Harry’s scar was bothering him for weeks because half of Voldemort’s face was under a turban on some guy’s head in the same building as him. In this book, he carries a piece of Voldemort’s soul around for a part of the book and doesn’t feel anything. The most he feels is an inexplicable need to not throw it away. What the fuck is up with that?

7. More irksome behavior from Dumbledore: at the end he awards Harry and Ron 200 points each for infiltrating the Chamber of Secrets and defeating the basilisk and Tom Riddle. But what about Hermione? She figured out what was in the chamber and how it was getting around the school, which enabled Harry and Ron to go down there without being completely unaware. You were all about the point-dishing-out at the end of last year, old man, what happened? What, just because it doesn’t humiliate an entire house of students, Hermione’s cleverness doesn’t need to be rewarded? YOUR METHODS ARE INCONSISTENT, DUMBLEDORE.

As always, please, feel free to leave any comments, disagreements, defenses, and arguments!

4 Comments

Filed under Literature, Personal

4 responses to “Things That Confuse and Anger Me About the Harry Potter Series: Chamber of Secrets

  1. I was so excited to see that you’d posted your second rant! I love it…you always catch important things that I don’t…

    1. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve read the book, but it seems like in the movie, Professor McGonagall asked them a question very similar to this. Ordinarily, I might say, “The Weasleys apparate home straight from the platform, so they wouldn’t go back to the muggle side of the station”; but after re-reading what you said, it occured to me that they might think it’s awfully strange–if not entirely worrisome–that Ron and Harry didn’t show up in time to meet the train so they would’ve certainly tried to come back through the barrier. (And, barring that, like McGonagall said: “Why didn’t you just send an owl?” Dumbasses.)

    3. I can’t believe I’ve never caught on to the fact that it’s basically torture for Filch to clean up manually what others can clean up magically. How evil! More than that, why is there a such thing as Mrs. Skower’s All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover? Surely the average witch or wizard doesn’t need the magical equivalent of Comet if s/he can wave her/his wand!

    4. Another thing you’re right about. Dumbledore might argue that they can’t toss out every award for every person that goes bad, but surely an exception can be made for wizarding version of Hitler.

    6. It *does* seem extremely odd that Harry could’ve gotten anywhere NEAR Voldemort’s old diary without getting so much as a twinge. It would be one thing if it was a normal diary, but as it’s a HORCRUX, the scar should’ve been hurting like hell!

    7. He’s completely inconsistent.

    ~*~

    You know, I think when I’m finished with the second draft of my novel, I’m going to send it to you, Ashley. (If that’s okay.) You have such a sharp eye for plot holes and inconsistencies that you’re an author’s best friend. (Especially someone like me who needs a literary agent and therefore has to make her work as impressive as possible.)

    • Ashley

      Thanks for commenting! I would love to read your novel when it’s done! Though I must admit, I’m really, really good at picking out plot-holes in the Harry Potter series because I’ve read them so, so, so many times! Still, I’d love to!

  2. I imagine Squib’s have a hard time keeping down a job anywhere, magical or not. Maybe Dumbledore made him janitor out of pity?

    And Dumbledore might be latently sexist, I don’t know.

    • That’s something that’s crossed my mind from time to time: either give up having any contact with the wizarding world and live like a muggle, or struggle on the fringes by taking menial jobs and praying you can improve yourself with something like QwikSpell. It would be sad to be someone like Argus Filch or Arabella Figg.

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