So, here it is, finally. The end of my massive criticism of OotP! Enjoy!
1. “Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything. Has it not occurred to you, my poor puffed-up popinjay, that there might be an excellent reason why the headmaster of Hogwarts is not confiding every tiny detail of his plans to you? Have you never paused, while feeling hard-done-by, to note that following Dumbledore’s orders has never yet led you into harm? No. No, like all young people, you are quite sure that you alone feel and think, you alone recognize danger, you alone are the only one clever enough to realize what the Dark Lord may be planning…” BOOM. Phineas Nigellus, much like Severus Snape, is spot on about this kid. Why does J.K. Rowling make these absolute truths come out of the mouths of characters we’re supposed to dislike? What the fuck? And because Harry is exactly like what Phineas said, his immediate response is “He is planning something to do with me, then?” Like…wow, did you not just hear that entire paragraph worth of character analysis? Jesus Christ. Also, I’m gonna call people “poor puffed-up popinjays” from now on because that’s a sick burn.
2. Snape and Sirius are both such assholes who need to get over their old bullshit, like yesterday. But I expect Snape to be a doucher; there’s never been any evidence to suggest otherwise in any of the other books. Sirius’s behavior is just so much more annoying, mostly because he wasn’t like this in the previous book, but also because he is, once again, affirming Harry’s own distrustful attitude against Snape and Dumbledore. And anyone who’s read the fifth book knows where that attitude leads them.
Hit the jump to finally conclude this epic bitchfest…!
OOTP PART DEUX! ACTION:
1. Fond as I am of the Sorting Hat, I have a bit of a hang up with its new song. It just makes all the founders except for Hufflepuff sound not so nice. They’re all into teaching certain students, but Hufflepuff is just standing there like, Uhm, okay, I’ll just take the magical children you douches don’t want. Hufflepuff is the only house that seems to be interested in equality among students, and yet J.K. Rowling never does anything interesting with it. All the cool characters from that house (all two of them) end up dead and we never see Hufflepuff house at all. J.K. Rowling really undermines her tolerance message with the lack of development for Hufflepuff (and to a lesser extent Ravenclaw).
2. Why are Harry and Ron still taking Divination? They hate it and I’m pretty sure it’s not necessary. Like you have your sort of general education classes, which I would assume are potions, transfiguration, history of magic and charms. And then other shit that you take that suits the career you want. Divination is not required to become an Auror. WHY ARE THEY STILL TAKING THIS CLASS?
3. “Cedric had been Cho’s boyfriend and the memory of his death must have affected her holiday almost as badly as it had affected Harry’s…”
How self-centered is this little shit? Like, okay, yeah, you saw Cedric die and you’re traumatized from your fight with Voldy, I get that. But you weren’t close friends with Cedric; he was a guy you sort of knew and often times didn’t like very much because you had a boner for his girlfriend. Cho was in a fucking relationship with him. She probably spent the entire summer in a deep depression, you insensitive fuck.
Hit the jump for Sirius being even more of a dick, racially charged insults, even more angsty Harry, and more…
Woohoo, made it to Order of the Phoenix! So…wow. Just wow. I had no idea the amount of FUCKERY in this book. Other than being, probably the most annoying book in the whole series, it’s not as well written as the fourth, which is fucking bizarre! But let me not start the bitching prematurely! This will be spread out over THREE WHOLE GODDAMN POSTS.
Things That Confuse and Anger Me About the Harry Potter Series: Order of the Phoenix
1. We start this book out right away with big a dollop of angst from Harry: why isn’t anyone telling me anything, I’m the one who fought Voldemort, wahh, wahhhh, wahhhhh. It’s not so much the fact that he’s angsty that gets me (that’s what 15-year-olds do, I was 15 once, I remember it well) it’s that he’s taking typical self-centered teenage angst and applying it to something that is way bigger than him. He’s assuming that he’s been totally forgotten by Dumbledore (totes likely, amirite?) and being purposefully left out of the loop even though he (according to himself) should be notified more than anyone else because he’s Harry Potter.
2. See? See where all this ridiculous coddling has gotten Harry? He’s so fucking used to being given special privileges and special information that when Dumbledore withholds information from him and treats him like he does any other student, he gets really, really angry and thinks things like: “Hadn’t he proved himself capable of handling much more than [Hermione and Ron]?” and “Wasn’t anybody going to say ‘well done’ for fighting off two Dementors single-handedly?” When Harry isn’t being treated like a special snowflake, he just can’t handle it.
Hit the jump to read about Harry’s ridiculous temper tantrums, Sirius being an irresponsible douche, one truly horrifying sentence, and more…