Tag Archives: sex toys

Link Dump: #72

It’s Tom Waits holding a kitty! Have you ever seen anything cuter in your life? Aaahh I just love it. And now, some links:

We have a pair of “pussy”-themed search terms this week: the anatomically unlikely “man sticks his head all way in womans pussy” and the emphatic mantra of desire “i really truly do enjoy touching tickling kissing a female lesbian pussy.” I think the doubling on “really truly” and “female lesbian” are my favorite parts.

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Link Dump: #19

As you may have noticed, Pussy Goes Grrr has been postless for almost a solid week. The reasons for this are twofold: 1) Ashley’s classes recently started and 2) I am still buried, à la Ted Danson in Creepshow, in my 25-page comps (i.e., giant senior project) on female sexuality in horror. But never fear! Starting probably next week, we’ll have some new, exciting blogging surprises in store for you. Potentially including something really, really awesome. Be sure to tune in and find out! (I love talking about the Internet like it’s a radio.)

In other news, Angela Bettis plays a great neurotic/psychotic in May (2002), which is what 1/4 of my comps is about, but Anna Faris as her lesbian coworker is just so goofy and lovable that she steals every scene she’s in. She’s the malapropism-wielding yang to May’s awkward, understated yin. “Do you like pussy… cats?” That should be this blog’s motto. That said, here are some links:

  • William Ahearn writes extensively about the origins of the term “film noir.”
  • Simon Hattenstone of The Guardian profiles influential (and awesome) feminist artist Cindy Sherman.
  • Not Coming to a Theater Near You has a piece on private eye movies of the 1970s, when Elliott Gould was the new Bogart.
  • EdenCafe gives us “Self-Love, Sex Toys, and Men,” which could also be titled “How NOT to Write About Sex Toys.” It’s comically atrocious, and inane enough to make an entertaining read.
  • Speaking of horrible things, Family Research Council leader Tony Perkins wants you to know that The Kids Are All Right sucks because it didn’t make enough money, and it’s about lesbians. Also the Golden Globes are evil. And MLK apparently agrees with him.
  • After making a jackass of himself at the NYFCC awards last week, professional martyr Armond White explains in voluminous, self-aggrandizing detail why he has been wronged. By the Internet, naturally. Then J. Hoberman responds. (If you can’t tell, I’m not a fan of White’s personality or his obfuscation-happy criticism.)
  • Gasp! Breaking news: Archie Comics is dropping the Comics Code Authority seal of approval from its products! Tony Perkins was right; the liberals are destroying American culture!

We had so many wacky search terms this week that I had to prune the list. We can’t just let any ol’ search term into the hall of shame, like the unimpressive “frog vag,” “leg cast fucking,” or “best looking vagina in 2010.” No, they had to be extra weird this week. Some I picked because of the phrasings: “you might gonna get raped maybe” sounds so indecisive that it renders itself meaningless, while “nope can’t go to hell,” with its unpunctuated urgency, makes me imagine a sequel to Rain Man where Dustin Hoffman travels to the underworld – flying Qantas, I assume.

From the “Bizarre Free Association” Department comes “bus ride,clit,” and we have another oddity that combines bad grammar and redundancy, “she are fucking a female cow.” The last (and best?) brings together unbelievable vileness, forcefulness, and length, and wins our Yuckiest Search Terms of the Week award (I guess), because it’s “i am going to hold you and that dog is going to fuck your pussie video.”

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Sex-positivity FAIL.

The other night, Epiphora was tweeting some pretty crazy stuff from some crazy-ass website. I decided to have a gander at this website. Holy shit.

HealthyStrokes.com. It is a website that is trying to be sex positive. But failing so, so hard. There’s just so much warped advice being given. I am all for educating young people about masturbation instead of making it a taboo thing. I’m such a hardcore pro-masturbation advocate. I fucking <3 masturbation. But this website is fucking ridiculous. It makes me sad because it’s well intentioned but so poorly thought out, researched and executed. While it’s telling young people that masturbation is normal and healthy it’s also putting forth ridiculous statistics as truth, makes sweeping generalizations and seriously, at least once referred to dildos as ‘penis shaped objects’. FOR REAL? I have exactly one very vaguely realistic toy; it has a gently molded head. Other than that, the rest of my toys look nothing like a penis.  And on another occasion, when a girl asked if her father forcing her to sleep in his bed with him (even after she had expressed vocal desire to sleep on the couch because she was uncomfortable), even while the father’s girlfriend was present and THEY WOULD HAVE SEX ON THE BED WHILE THE DAUGHTER COULD HEAR AND FEEL THEM HAVING SEX NEXT TO HER, if it was abuse and was told no. WTF? But my biggest gripe with this site is its rampant, inexplicable hatred of all anal exploration:

I’ve read that stimulating the prostate will make me ejaculate a lot. How do I stimulate my prostate? (age 15)

I advise against this experiment. The prostate is stimulated through the rectum. Unless you know what you’re doing, you’re apt to hurt yourself, and unless you’re planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life, you’re setting yourself up for a form of arousal that can’t be duplicated in ordinary sexual activity.

If I stimulate my prostate through my anus will this result in an orgasm? (age 14)

It’s possible. Distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain are more likely results.

Oh. My. GOD. Like…seriously? So much epic fail! Let’s tackle this bit by bit, shall we:

First of all, you tell this young person that ‘unless they know what they’re doing’ they’re going to hurt themselves. Uh, how the fuck are they supposed to learn how to do it right if 1. you discourage experimentation and 2. YOU DON’T FUCKING GIVE THEM ANY REAL ADVICE OTHER THAN TELLING THEM NOT TO DO IT?!

Unless you’re planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life… Sooooo, there’s no such thing as a strap-on? Men never get fucked by women wearing harnesses? Women never fuck other women with strap-ons? Dildos can’t go up asses? THERE AREN’T TOYS SPECIFICALLY FOR PROSTATE AND ANAL PLEASURE?! Nope. Only gay men have THE BUTT SECKS.

What is up with this irrational hatred of anal exploration? Distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain are more likely results. Seriously, what kind of fucking bullshit is that. Uh, lubes? Proper toys (see above rant)? How about instead of shutting these kids down when they come for advice you do a little fucking research on anal sex/masturbation instead of throwing out stereotypes about it. Ya fucking douche.

My disappointment in this website knows no bounds. It is a very vast website and I couldn’t even begin to delve into its depths without going completely insane at the infuriating information therein. At times it seems to be giving sound advice (simply being a website that tells young people that masturbation is healthy and even good for you is a great thing) but then counters all of it with contradictory information (as in, giving the advice to one fifteen year old who has threesomes that she should use protection and telling another fifteen year old how to go about buying a vibrator but telling yet another fifteen year old that she ‘should wait a few years’ before using a dildo. What the fuck? I think this person is confused and thinks there’s some massive difference between a vibrator and a dildo), ineffectual information (there’s no mention of body-safe materials anywhere on the site) and flat-out sex-negative or overly traditional biases (like with the anti-anal bullshit or having weirdly puritanical views on group masturbation and an infuriating focus on ‘developing a healthy sexuality so you can have successful sex with a partner’). It saddens me to think that these young people, who are taking the initiative to try and learn are getting such unsatisfactory, unhelpful or even totally untrue answers.

Listen. If you are under 18 and have questions about sex, masturbation, toys, etc. please visit Scarleteen.com. I wish I had had a website like this at my disposal when I was younger. They have answers for all your questions and even answers to questions you might not even have. Don’t be afraid of your body, your sexuality, your anus or anything like that. There are answers out there, hard as they may be to find; Scarleteen can help you find them.

For more on this fucked up website, please read Carnivalesq’s and Epiphora’s epic post on it: MASTURBATION MANSPLATION!

And Epiphora’s epic post: Thanks for the mansplation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator.

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Pleasurists #60


by yana.

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #59? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #61? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 17th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

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Looking for something other than reviews?
e[lust] #4

Editor’s Pick

  • Liberator Axis Hitachi by Carnivalesq
  • Epiphora commented that “the Hitachi takes up like entire vulva,” and therefore wanted to know “if I have to like buttsex to have it work for partner play.” I argue that the Hitachi does not take up the whole vulva, but recognize that I may, in fact, be super human.

    Note: Carnivalesq’s Illustrated Axis Hitachi Positioning Guide is just awesome and you should read it. ‘Nuff said.

Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult Movies/Porn

Sex Furniture

Storage

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

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